Recently I tracked down my friend Russell from high school and had an hour long conversation with him on the phone. It was great to chat with him. I was glad to hear that his mom is alive and cantankerous as ever, and still living in San Angelo. She was one of my heros when I was in High School.
I never told either of them that I was gay. In 1979/1980 Texas Public Schools you didn't dare say anything about being gay. I think in hindsight that they would probably have been alright with it, but I still don't know.
You see, even though I'm a 43 year old man who is out and comfortable with who I am, I still didn't manage to say anything to him about my being gay on our reunion phone call.
I know that he's been married once, maybe twice. I know the name of his wife/girlfriend (not sure if they're married), I know the names of his little sister's husband, I know the name of his ex-wife. But I wasn't comfortable telling him about Gary, Chris, Jim or the most recent ex. I also barely even mentioned TJ. I did mention him, something he had done recently, but I don't think I was gender specific.
Why does it matter?
We talked about what he's done with his life since 1984. We talked about what I've done with my life since then. We talked about plans for the future. It was a great conversation.
I walked away from it thinking how hard it is still to be Gay in today's world. Even for someone who's completely out. Here I am, my parents know, my family knows, my friends all know, the church where I'm the Youth Director knows, all the youth in the church group know, the people who work for me at my company know, and I'm quick to stand up for Gay rights (and by extension any minority rights) whenever it comes up. But for some reason I wasn't comfortable saying anything to Russell, from 24 years ago.
I tracked him down via the internet, sent him a Christmas card with a letter in it. In the letter I did tell him about TJ and my life here in Portland, but I'm still uncomfortable discussing it live.
Why is that do you think?
Somehow, with Martin Luther King day being tomorrow and all, this musing in my head seems entirely appropriate.
