blog@cliffdweller

Argyle, um, Paisley, no wait, plain and simple Plaid

Patterns.

Is that what life is about? finding patterns? reliving them?

Are the patterns there simply because they are? or do we make them materialize in our own image?

Do they really exist or do we just try to fit everything we perceive into our personal belief systems?

can patterns be broken? Or is everything just a reflection of our own personal projections?

can recognizing patterns and changing courses become patterns unto themself?

Once when I was 20, many many years ago, I had a friend helping me carry a couch up three flights of stairs at my apartment complex. It was a nice enough couch, but very 70s with a wild flower pattern. He was on some kind of speed, I don' t which one, but he wasn't in full control of everything he was doing. I was blinded by love, he was a *special* friend as my father would have said, so I wasn't really paying attention to his in attentiveness to my parent's couch. Long story short, he cut a corner too sharply and ripped a square foot hole in the back of the couch.

I don't remember yelling at him, but I am sure I must've. He screamed something about letting a little hole in the couch destroy what we had. He stomped off down the stairs and I have never even seen him since.

That has stuck with me to today. I think it may be the foundation of my discovery path since then.

I try not to let little rips and tears get in the way of living life. I try to allow people to be who they are and support them whether they want to grow or not. It's their life, their own personal journey.

But sometimes I have to step back and take a look and wonder what's in it for me.

One of those times is crashing down upon me. I've been on the edge of this for a while, but I think after tonight's movie I finally reached the flashpoint.

I'm gonna have to have The Talk with The Boy I think. I do love him, but his inability to reflect any of that back is just too painful.

If the train is going nowhere, then I'm on the wrong one and I need to switch to the right one ASAP.

Does anyone out there know any guys they could set me up on a date with?

This entry was written by Paul, posted on 2/10/2006 at 10:33 pm, filed under being. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.