I am currently attending the Youth Specialties convention in Sacramento. I have to say, it is kind of amazing. There's so much positive affirmation going on. Everyone loves everyone, everyone supports everyone, everyone is looking out for everyone, except Gay people.
After years of feeling exiled from the church, I found First UMC in Portland. They didn't care that I am Gay. It's a non-issue. If anything, they appreciate me more because I can help minister to other Gay folk who have felt marginalized by other churches. Being there is a good thing.
Being at the conference, I feel like I've had to go back into the closet. Ouch. I want to wear my brightest rainbow shirt, and raise a few eyebrows. The beauty of that is that my Church would fully support me if I chose to do that. And when I say Church, I don't just mean through a stated policy. I mean individuals, parents of and kids in my youth group, teachers of my Sunday School program, retirees that I see every Sunday, my Pastors and fellow staff members. Support.
I've always thought that mentioning Gays and Lesbians specifically wasn't necessary in a crowd. I'm beginning to feel different. After this weekend I will be ready to do a 180.
This conference is a "safe" space. I've heard that several times. Yet, I feel very real fear that if I really were out to them I wouldn't be safe.
The only reference I've seen to anything Gay was in a book where I found something to the effect of "love the sinner, hate the sin."
Hello? Where is the sin? Because I'm Gay I'm a sinner? My thoughts and deeds are as pure as everybody else's. I go right back to my oft stated question: why do people equate Gay with sex? I say Gay, the people in this auditorium think man on man action right in their face. But when real evidence of sex goes by when there's a couple with a baby in a carriage, they don't stop to think of man on woman action. They don't stop to ask if the mother is married to the father. Sex isn't even part of anything in their head.
Why is that? I really want to know.
Here's a real world example from 5 minutes ago on the stage: We just saw a telling of the story of the Prodigal Son. Two guys up on stage just role played the whole story, with lots of clever embellishments. When they got to the part where the departing son "sinned" they embellished a lot. A whole lot. They made jokes about how there were ladies of the evening, lots of women, lots and lots of chicks, even a few with names he could remember. The audience laughed, and it was a pretty funny delivery. But I wonder what this audience would have done if he had thrown some other names like "Greg" or "Gary" or "John" into the mix…
Closet, closet, closet. I don't think I want to come to another of these conventions without a support group. The trick for the rest of this gig is to learn what I can without having a chip on my shoulder. There is good to be had here, in spite of the general misguidedness in a few areas.
